I want to be real with you. Although my life in the blogosphere may be portrayed as dandelions, rainbows and all things sweet, my life in the real world sure has its fair share of difficulties. For instance, when Reis returns home after some time away I find it difficult to adjust to living with him again. My emotions can be up and down like an abrupt and jolting roller-coaster. Suddenly, my routine is gone and change charges in like an army marching to war. I have to share a car; intimately fit another person’s schedule in with mine and I have to begin to think about proper meals to cook (goodbye lazy frozen fish and vegetables). I can contact him by phone again and have to communicate my plans and thoughts more regularly. It’s not just the practicalities though that changes things. I’m torn emotionally about how to spend my time. I can now choose to spend time with Reis with makes it difficult to want to go to the gym. If I choose to go, then I miss out on precious time with him but if I don’t go, I find it lets out what Reis and I term the ‘crazies’ within.
From an objective point of view, having to fit my husband into my schedule again seems a selfish ‘white girl problem’. Regardless, I’ve been struggling with it so I decided to ask an older army wife, Julianne, what it’s like for her when her husband returns home. I was relieved to hear that she (along with many other army wives) struggles daily with similar issues. Julianne realised the extent to which they lived separate lives when they were posted to Canberra for Staff College. Suddenly she had a husband home all year (a novel experience) but she missed the time to herself and wasn’t used to him being under her feet all the time. Her honesty comforted me as she said she had a few moments where she felt like she could have killed him! Julianne is the wife of a Lieutenant Colonel and they have been married since he was a Lieutenant. Her words of advice were pearls of wisdom for me so I want to share them for other military wives (although this is not exclusively for military wives because I think the underlying principles would greatly benefit any marriage). So here are some of Julianne’s words of advice (click the picture to enlarge):
What would you add to this list? You are most definitely qualified to comment and give your general marriage advice even if you aren’t a military wife!
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Open communication is a rule Andy & I have – it doesn’t matter what it is aboutgive each other time & a safe environment to communicate with 100% honesty. 2) work as a team, we are a team even though we live apart most of the year. 3) respect needed down time. Andy has done 10 months of intensive coursework away from home, it’s exhausting for him. When he gets home I have to consciously allow him ‘down time’ to reset. We also of course balance this with couple time 🙂 4) ensure the needs you are asking him to fulfil are ones he can fulfil as your husband. This is especially difficult when moving to a new city every 2 years where you don’t know anyone yet – your partner, family, friends, work, study, hobbies etc all fulfil different needs – Its important to ensure these roles arent blurred.
We also follow the points you’ve mentioned above 🙂 great post! I hope my response wasn’t too long 🙂 xx
Thanks Steph, your rules are great. I find number 3 hard and need to remind myself of this each time he comes home. 4 is a good point too and something that is so easy to pile all your concerns on them when you haven’t yet established realms to fulfill certain needs. Your response can never be too long – so thankful for the advice! xx